We need to talk.. -Lucile

Place: Nicholas' residence.
Time: Early in the day. Going home from Jonathan.
Weather: Sun is still rising, minimal clouds.
Outfit: Same as the profile picture but stained and generally filthier.
Dedicated to: @Lucile <3

He was heading home again after the thought provoking conversation he had with Jonathan. It was a good thing he went to see him, not only did he manage to find a way to transform, but he also found out that Lucia was alive and well, given the circumstances of course. The fact that he got his tools and coat back was a plus as well but buying new ones wouldn't be ruining for him anyway. He was happy he met Jonathan, not just because he would help him transform, but because he was someone he could rely on, it seemed like it at least. He was not like most rich and powerful people out there, greedy, selfish and power hungry.. He was different, he cared about people, he had a good heart, even if he didn't see it himself. People like that were hard to come by these days, so he would definitely try to stay in contact with him, weather he went through the transformation or not.

Which made him think about what to say to Lucile. The conversation would not be easy, the topic was a serious one, if he went through it he could change, loose himself or even die.. All things he was willing to risk, but he doubted she would see it the same way. The whole point of it was to be with her forever, with no limits keeping them at bay, just like he promised her back at the meadow.. But with every positive comes a negative, and there were several side effects that could occur, and some that would definitely come. There was not much he could do to prepare for any of them, it would have to be handled as they showed up. He had pretty much already made up his mind on this, but he would still not go through with it without her permission, so he would have to be very convincing about it. In his mind she would probably refuse him to do it, and say that she would be fine with his short lifespan. But that wouldn't be true, no one could handle that, at least not in his mind.

The walk was long but when he finally got home the door was still locked, meaning she was still sleeping, or at the very least still inside. He opened the door slowly to not make any sound, closing it behind him as he looked around if he could see her, but she was nowhere to be seen. He folded his coat as he walked over to his studies, dropping it on his chair as he puts his bag under the table. He loosens his collar as he slowly walks in the bedroom, making as little sound as he could. He didn't want to wake her up, she looked so peaceful in the bed. He couldn't resist not getting in so he sat down on the bed gently, taking his shoes off and slowly leaning back into the bed. Then made his way to Lucile and put an arm around her, closing his eyes and enjoying the rest next to her until she woke up. When she woke he started stroking her arm as he said "Good morning sunshine" with a smile but a slightly sad tone. "Did you sleep well?" He didn't want to start her day with a serious conversation like this, it was better if she could at least enjoy the morning before he dropped a heavy load like that on her. Besides, he had missed her when he was gone, even if it had been only a few hours.

He could see how tired she was, or just how little she wanted to wake up which made him smile. He found it sweet that she cuddled up to him and kept on sleeping, made him feel better about everything. "For a few hours" He had to be careful with what he said to her, there was no rushing it, he had to ease into it. "Yea he is special case, that's for sure.." said with a distant voice, because he was in his head, thinking. It was true that he didn't get much people like him there, but that was not the special case he meant. As she strokes his cheek he snaps out of his thoughts, looking at her as she asked him a question. "Yea.. let's talk about that later, don't worry about it now" he said with a worried voice, hoping she would drop it for now. But he had a feeling she wouldn't, it was who she was, and one of the many reasons he loved her. Then she started getting worried that he had been abused by Jonathan, she was so protective of him, another thing he liked about her. "No, it wasn't anything like that, quite the opposite actually" chuckling as he said it. Jonathan was the one trying to stop him from doing something stupid.
And when she started checking him everywhere, even unbuttoning his shirt his smile got wider. When she was half way through his shirt he grabs both of her hands, stroking them with his thumbs as he held them, looking in her eyes. "I am fine Lucile, i promise" he said with a smile. Trying to comfort her, make her feel better. "How's your head?" he says a tiny bit more seriously, wondering if there is still some effect lingering. And now that they were both in the bed, he had to take advantage of it. "I'm just going to steal you for a little bit." He says with a grin, wrapping his arms around her and laying back down. Nothing in this world was better than being with her, just laying within her embrace. An indescribable peace of his mind. How could he let this all end by starting that conversation. Whatever he did, he couldn't avoid hurting her, and he hated that about himself. But he knew one day, that would stop. He was always hers, that would never change, he just hoped he could live up to what she deserved.

He realized that there was no way around it, he would have to spill it earlier than had had planned. She was so focused on it, afraid that he'd been hurt, and by Jonathan. It was like she was trying to analyze him, trying to figure what had happened, stripping him down to check for marks, having no worries for herself and her head. Because he was pretty sure the effects of the morphine was still there, weather she wanted to admit it or not. Did he really give off the vibe that he was in distress? that he was conflicted? He really had to work on that in the future to avoid her getting worried. As she said she was fine he smiled as he squeezed her hands a bit "You don't have to be so tough youknow"

After a long embrace from Lucile he worked up his nerve to tell her how the visit went, and why he was acting like this. But then she dropped something that stopped him in his tracks before he could even open his mouth. She fell in love with him as a human.. When she said that his heart twisted. He was rethinking everything, he would be removing his human side if he went through it, but not his humanity, for that would always be with Lucile. And if he went though with it he would be able to live with her forever, and what if a fight broke out, he was a human, he cant fight any of the races, they would crush him. he knew she was fighter and could handle herself, but fights can be unfair and there was no way he would not get involved if she was ever in trouble.

Another problem would be the sun. He could try wrapping himself in bandages or something while he thought of a way to walk freely in the sun. He was a doctor, there had to be a way that would allow him to tolerate the sun, and he would find that. There was some silence because he was struggling to find the starting words.
But before he could start she said something else that he had forgotten all about. "No, she kissed me" He said with a panicked voice before he realized it didn't matter who started it. "I should have stopped her sooner.. I'm sorry.. It's just.. it was you, but not you.." He said with a sad voice, knowing there was no excuse to what he did. Thinking back on it, it wasn't just because it was Lucile's body, he also felt bad for Lucy, thinking she was just a part of Lucile, doomed to be alone forever, or with whoever Lucile was with. But when Lucile kissed his lip he did feel better about the situation, knowing she had faith in him to be loyal felt good. It was something he cherished above the rest, and he knew it would never repeat itself.

"And you complete me" He said in a loving voice with a smile. But it didn't last, the smile faded away as was about to have the talk with her. He sat up and grabbed her hands again, looking at them as he talked. He really didn't want to talk about this. "Listen Lucile.. we both know what me being human means..." He spoke with a calm yet sad tone, then he looks up at her "You will outlive me a thousand times over.. i will only leave a hole in your heart.." He felt the heavy words on his heart as they came out. But he continued "Even when we have chil.." He had trouble saying it, taking a breath as he continued. "If we have children.. you will outlive them.. Have you really thought about any of this?" He had no idea if any of this was something she had thought about yet, he didn't want to scare her but the conversation had to be there at some point in their life, transformation or not..

He felt bad about kissing Lucy, it even felt bad in the moment as well, yet he didn't push her off. But knowing that Lucile knew he loved her made it feel better, because it was true, there was no one but her in his love. But part of the package? No.. he still had to split them.. but doing that he would need Dr. Jeremy. It was his only lead into fixing it. So he would have to spread word that he was looking for him, maybe Jonathan and Moon could help with that. But that was a topic for another time. He had to focus on the task at hand, the talk of transformation and their future in general.

When he saw her hide under the blankets he became scared, did the topic of children frighten her? They hadn't discussed children at all before so it was very understandable that she would react to it. He just hoped he didn't trigger any bad memories for her. She whispered some words but he didn't know what she meant, he saw the way she was hiding and figured there wasn't any reason to change her position, not while she was in her safe space. So he moved closer and wrapped an arm around her. "Whats wrong Lucile?" he said with a worried voice. Then he heard it, she was afraid that she'd be a bad parent, which relieved him. He had seen this on many people as they were getting closer to having their baby. He did deliver many children back at the hospital, but after the morgue.. he avoided doing it unless it was absolutely necessary. He wasn't sure anymore why he avoided it, but it was probably to avoid thinking about Isabel. So he wasn't afraid of what she was worried about, because he was familiar with it. "Lucile.. i know it must be scary to think about, but you will make a great mother one day, believe me when i say that.." He said with a sweet voice, smiling at her. "Back when i worked at the hospital i met a lot of people who said the exact same thing, they are all mothers now. No one knows what to do the first time, but you learn that as it comes. It's perfectly normal to be scared." He said still smiling but with a more serious voice, like he knew what he was talking about. He stroked her back as he spoke, comforting her and letting her take her time to speak, this was a hard topic after all.

When she started speaking she said something that made his smile go even wider. She wanted a family with him. It like his dreams were coming true, because that's all he wanted in this world. A family with Lucile, nothing would bring him more joy, and now that he knew she wanted that too, it made him incredibly happy. But it turned as she continued. She was scared of him becoming immortal, essentially loosing himself. "As long as I'm with you, i am happy Lucile.. It would change my body slightly yes, but it wouldn't change me, i would not let that happen, and most importantly it would not change how i feel about you.. Nothing in this world or the next could ever change that." He said with a very serious voice. When she felt for his heartbeat it did get to him a small bit, because he knew she liked listening to it, and it would be gone, for certain, nothing could change that. "That's true..." he said with a sad and understanding voice.

As she sat on top of him he started feeling different things at once, focusing still on talking this through. She was sweet telling him he could that what he wanted and she had no say in it, but that was not the case. "That's where you are wrong Lucile, this is as much of your decision as it is mine.. it effects both of us, and i will not do anything you don't agree with.. If you are absolutely sure you don't want this, then i will leave it, for now." He said a bit disappointment but still understanding tone. He could not make her live with something she did not like, that would not be fair. As she moved her finger to his lips he felt it again, his heart was beating faster the further down she got, whispering to him, it got to him. "That wouldn't change for the worse... my lips would remain the same.. my skin would be just as fragile..the only thing that would change is that my tolerance for pain would increase, and i could heal faster if i wanted to... meaning the marks would still remain.. but they could also become bigger and deeper.." As he talked his voice became softer and softer, his focus shifted from the talk, to her, more specifically her lips. Nearing the end of his sentence he couldn't keep his eyes of them. It was probably a bad time doing it right now, but he couldn't resist her. The way they talked at the end, her finger running down his face and throat, brought him over the edge. So he gave in to his lust for her, moving his hands up her sides, pulling her in for a long passionate kiss..

He could hear by the tone of her voice that she didn't mean it. But it didn't matter, he already knew how she felt about him changing. And like he said, there would be no change unless she wanted it. So he would remain human, maybe he would bring it up in the future some time, after they've both thought about it a while.
Feeling her lips is something he would never get tired of, she was like a drug with no side effects. There was only euphoria to be had with her. He felt her body pressed against his and her arms reach around his back as she kissed him back, when she leaned back to look at him he couldn't help but to smile at her. His beautiful demon, there was nothing that could compare.. Then she kissed him again, he exhales quietly as he's feeling her nails dig into his skin, which only fueled his lust for her. And when she stopped again it felt like abstinence, like she was taking the product away from the addict, which he knew all about. He wanted more of her, needed more of her. What she said amused him a bit because he felt the same way about her. "Don't ever be sorry for that" he said with a calming voice before leaning his mouth closer to her ear. "Besides.. i feel the same for you.." He whispers in a seductive voice, biting her ear gently before leaning back. He felt her grip getting tighter as she spoke. "Alright, regular Nicholas it is then.. i wont mention it again." He said in a jokingly manner, but still meaning what he said.
Before he could even think about anything she pulled the shirt off him, clearly stating what she wanted. Smiling at her as she looked at him, he helped her take of his shirt, before he ripped the shirt off her. His heart started beating out of control again, his breath getting heavy. He grabs around her, laying her down with him on top, his legs on each side of her. He pins her arms down to the bed as he grins at her, teasing her with a kiss just out of reach. She was stronger than him, and could break free any time she wanted, but he didn't really think about it. After the tease he leans in on her upper neck and begins to kiss her, starting slow and soft. The longer it goes on, the more tension the lips have, and his teeth gets involved, scraping against her skin as he moved his lips around her neck, leaving marks behind. He was so into it that he lost control, and when he got closer to her shoulder his teeth pierced her skin, making blood roll down from the mark. But when he felt the taste of copper on his tongue he realized what he did and became more gentle, leaving some gently kisses on the wound as he worked his way down, planting and extra long kiss on her collarbone.

As soon as he heard her whimper it was like a shock went through his body, he immediately stopped, got off her and sat up next to her, slowly wrapping one arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry.. i got carried away." He said with a worried voice, it wasn't his intention to be that rough, it just happened. But then she moved in his arms, the way she acted it had to be more to it than just the bite. He got really worried about her now, fearing he had triggered another bad memory for her. While stroking her arm he asked her quietly "What's wrong Lucile? you know you can talk to me right?" with a relaxed voice, trying not to push her into anything. But when she said it he froze, his stroking stopped. "He?" he thought, did she mean.. Ramsey? He understood her reaction now, and felt disgusted at himself, acting like Ramsey, the one person in this world he despised more than anything.

Then she suddenly got up, and he let her go without stopping her, letting her do what she thought would help, he would still be there to help her but he didn't want to stop her from doing anything that could help. After she left the room he was still in a small shock after what she said. As much as he hated him, he started to look more and more like him, and it was a really bad feeling. But it was enough self reflecting, he decided to check on Lucile, so he got up from the bed and headed out to the study where she was standing. "Is there an..." He stopped mid sentence when he saw what she was doing. The blood running down the side of her face. "What the hell are you doing!?" he said almost angry at her for hurting herself, even though it probably was not on purpose. He runs over to her and removes her hands from her head, then rushes her over to the sofa where he sits her down. He sits down next to her, tilting her head to get a look at the wound, then places a hand on it as he proceeds to heal it. "Alright, tell me what this is about Lucile, its eating away at you... you can't keep ignoring it" He said with a serious voice, knowing he was a hurtful memory, but it had to be released, letting it out would do a lot more good than bad. Whatever it was it wasn't in the book, because he still know every word of that book. and there was no mention of this. What Lucy said back before still lingered in his head, and would probably not leave for a good while. She was right about him hurting her, it had happened to many times already, and it felt worse each time it happened. Especially knowing he caused it and could not do anything to undo it.

When he came around the corner and saw the blood on her temples he got angry at what she had done, paying more attention to the wounds than her, so he didn't notice that she turned and jumped at him. Her nails rips through his skin from his right eyebrow, down over his eyelid and a bit to the side of the eye. Leaving an open wound that starts bleeding. As it happens he gets shocked, but right after he ignored it, it was his fault for scaring her, so he sat her down. "It's fine.. don't worry about it.." he said with a serious voice, just getting it out of the way. He doesn't stop her from kissing him but he doesn't kiss her back, because he felt she did it as a distraction, trying to avoid talking about it, or maybe it was an apology kiss, either way he was to serious for it at the moment. "Alright, i wont force you to talk about anything you don't want to, but the longer you hold it inside, the worse it will get.. sooner or later you have to talk about it.." He said with a serious tone, but still in a way that didn't come off as judgemental.

When she sat on top of him and pressed her head on his chest he placed his arms around her, stroking her back "Sssh.. It's alright, you are safe here.. Whatever you're thinking about, it can't touch you." He said with a calm voice, trying to calm her down. After a while he felt her doing something behind his back, and considering what she did to her temples he moved his arms from her back and grabbed hers, moving them in front of him. Seeing a wound she had done to herself her got mad at her. "Stop this! If you want to hurt anyone then you hurt me, i wont allow you to hurt yourself or other people.." He said furiously, there was no way he would have her hurt herself. "I can take it, i have a healing power remember.. So if you want to release the tension, do it on me or don't do it at all." He said, still angry, but trying to calm down. If she did not follow what he said there was always the second method, one he didn't want to use if he didn't have to. But depending on what she would do it might have to come in play. One thing was that he hurt her all the time, but actually making her physically damage herself was not something he would stand for. This was something he had to take charge on, it wasn't something he could let her just "work through" anymore. As she asked him to talk to her to avoid the subject it made him feel about for her again, maybe he was to hard on her.

He lets out a sigh as he wraps his arms around her and starts talking "Youknow... I can't think of anyone that would make a better mother than you Lucile.." He says while gently cuddling her, looking straight ahead, thinking about their future. "No one has a gentler soul than you do, even your instincts.. I know you would make me proud. You would raise it right, i just know it.." A smile forms on his face as he pictures it. It just made him even more happy that he was with her, He couldn't wait for a family with her..

The reaction he got from her was what he expected, she would never bring herself to hurt him. But that also meant that he would give her and alternative to make sure she didn't hurt herself anymore. "Alright then, I'm going to do something a very smart woman once thought me.." He looked at her with a serious expression while continuing "Whenever you hurt yourself.. I will hurt myself.." Making sure she knew he meant what he said. Just like she did for him, he would do for her, because it was working for him, he was never going to touch a needle as long as he knew she would do the same.

After talking about how good of a mother Lucile would be he went silent for a while, letting her talk for a bit seeing what she had to say about it. He expected her to be in denial about being a good mother but what she actually did surprised him, she leaned on him instead, saying she wouldn't be if it weren't for him, which made him smile but he knew it wasn't true, he had nothing to do with it. But then she got darker, saying she was bad for him, undeserving of him. It made him feel bad, because he knew it wasn't true, it was quite the opposite actually, so he had to address it as they spoke of it. "You're not a nutcase Lucile, you are actually one of the most sane people I've talked to" giving off a small chuckle as he said it. People nowadays were too busy with image, money and power, but not her... There was nothing but goodness coming from her. He was of course a little bit biased saying it but she was one he could actually have a normal conversion with.

"That's where you are wrong Lucile... I am not deserving of you.. every single morning i wake up next to you i think about how lucky i am to be with you, and wonder why you stick around with me.." His tone gets sadder as he goes on. "I don't mind you having Lucy in you, that can be fixed if you want to.. Me worrying about you is something that wont ever go away.. I can't help that, if something were to happen to you... I would be lost, there would be nothing left for me here.." He clenches his teeth and swallows before continuing. "I don't care for other people, i don't want other people... you are the most important thing in this world.. that will never change.." After a brief silence he finishes "There are several times I'm just waiting for you to get your sense back and leave me after all the shit I've put you through..." His voice is almost cracking in the end, he's just staring out in the air, thinking back to the thoughts. He gets a glimpse back to life before he met her. It was not a pleasant one, not living a life, just waiting for the end to come and take him away. He felt bad by saying it all, he didn't want her to feel guilty, especially for something that was not her fault..

After some self reflection it was time to show her he meant what he said earlier. "Anyway, time for me to show you what i mean.. But first." As he was about to get up he stops himself, and healed her hand first. "There we go" with no expression in his voice. He gets up, walks over to the table and gets his bag from under it and puts it on the top, fishing out his scalpel. He turns to Lucile as he gives her half a smile, making sure she knows there was no way around this. He lifts it up and leaves a cut on his temple, making sure he doesn't hit anything but skin. He then moves the scalpel down, and slices his arm deep, making it bleed uncontrollably, making it run down and drip off his fingertips. Then drops the scalpel on the table and looks her in the eyes, trying to make her understand how serious he was about her hurting herself

As the clank was heard from the scalpel hitting the table it was to late to go back now, his decision had been made. He was not enjoying any of this, but he felt it necessary to do it, show her what self harm meant. His wounds were more extreme than hers, but that was only to push the point, even wounds like this on her would not be that bad, but for a human like him he could bleed out if it was not addressed. That said, he wasn't stupid, the incision he made on his forearm was long and deep, but he was well versed in anatomy, he did avoid veins, muscle and the tendons in his arm, making it a clean cut. As blood rolled down his face from his eye and temple he saw how hurt she was by it. He understood it well, it was the reason he did this in the first place, to make her understand how he felt when she hurt herself. He also noticed how she held her nose, most likely because she was hungry, and him having a big open wound was not helping with that. But he didn't care, he was not afraid she would do anything to him, and if she did, it was his own fault, he would not blame her.

When she rushed over to him and started sobbing it made his eyes watery, seeing her in distress like this was painful, more so than his wound. "I'm sorry Lucile.. I had to do it.." He said with a sad tone. Her efforts in trying to close the wounds did nothing, he knew that, there was nothing she could do unless she knew how to stitch. But he wasn't worried about his wound, having his veins intact bleeding out would take some time. Her sobbing, her pleading, it all went to his head, his heart was twisting inside him, tears started rolling down his cheek, mixing in with the blood on the way down. The condition she was in was unbearable but he could not give in to it, the point had to stay, he would just have to deal with the fallout afterwards. Her words stung like knifes in his heart, what she said was painful, did she actually think he would kill himself over this? He would never end his life as long as he was with her. "I'm not leaving you Lucile... I am happy with you... this is temporary pain to ensure you don't get hurt by yourself" He said trying to make her understand what he was doing. He did see the irony in his words, preventing her getting physically hurt, but still hurting her with his actions. He moved his wounded arm up to her cheek, trying to wipe her tears away with his thumb, not realizing it was his hurt arm, only smearing blood on her cheek. As he notices it scares him, seeing the blood on her face reminds him of the nightmare about her.

His hand started shaking as he looks at it, covered in blood, envisioning it as her blood. He takes a step back from her out of shock, leaning on the table as he is getting lightheaded from the blood loss. His breathing became more rapid as he was thinking about it. Her hitting his shoulder demanding him to fix his arm with a pleading voice snapped him out of the nightmare, pushing it to the back of his head again. "I will never leave you Lucile... not for anything.." His voice was getting weird, almost faint as his head was getting lighter. The longer he waited the less energy he would have to heal the wound, meaning he would have to stitch the wound instead, and in a half conscience state of mind. "Do you.. understand how serious.. i am about it now?" His voice was dead serious but still faint. It was getting harder and harder to stay on his feet, leaning more and more on his functioning arm. He knew this was hard for her, because it would be hard for him if he was in her place. the blood had soaked in his shirt, a pool on the ground and a trail on the table, following from the scalpel to where he was leaning.

He could see how it all affected her, and it seemed like she did not understand why he was doing it. The way she talked to him, like he was loosing his mind or something similar. He knew he was bleeding, he knew the risks that were present at this moment. it was understandable seeing as she didn't know how bad the wound was, and seeing the amount of blood draining from him it did seem worse than it was. "I know you're healed Lucile, that's not the point... You said it yourself... Its not about the outcome, it’s the action itself." he said with a calm voice, trying not to panic her.
Even as she pushed him and begged him to fix himself he didn't, he was to stubborn to give in until he felt she understood him. That and being lightheaded didn't help with processing thoughts very well. Luckily she pushed him down on a chair, which made the body have more energy to spare seeing as it didn't have to balance the body on its feet. He knew this whole thing was a bit much, but it was way to late to go back, so there was only the way forward. He heard her warning and understood it well, but he was committed to the promise he made. "That is entirely up to you Lucile" He answered with tone just as serious as hers. Just because there was a chance she would hurt him didn't change anything, he would still have to go through with this again if he knew she hurt herself, it was not up for discussion at all.

Then he saw she was leaving which made him worried, forgetting all about the wound. Where was she going? The wounds had most likely triggered her hunger, so she was leaving to not attack him, but then what about the other people out there. She was angry, that was clear, maybe enough to cloud her judgement, going after innocent people. All the worst case scenarios were spinning in his head. The reason for that was not because he actually thought she would hurt anyone, but being lightheaded limited his logical thinking. Just before she left she demanded that he would heal up and clean the blood away. But just as she went out the door he tried stopping her. "No, Lucile wait..." His voice was faint and probably too low for her to hear him. He started healing right away, after all he had been bleeding a while now and it was on the verge of being to late for his ability. As he placed his hand over the wound and started healing, he could immediately feel the energy being drain from him, being lightheaded and lacking energy he only managed to close the wound a little bit before he started panicking again, worrying what she would do. Most likely she went to Langdon for a package, but seeing as all logic had left his head that thought was way gone.

He had to stop her. he leaned off the chair, shuffling over to the door, struggling to get the coat on but eventually getting it done, opening the door and wobbling down the street, looking for her. It was cold out, the blood was still running down his face and you could see the arm of the coat was getting soaked in blood. As he made his way down the street he had to drag himself along the walls, leaning on crates and barrels to not fall on the ground, leaving trails of blood where he had been. But despite his efforts, he had no clue where she went and lacking energy and soon blood to stand, he fell down, slowly drifting off as he tried to stand back up. His head was full of worry, if anyone died this day it would be on his hands, another victim leaving this world because of his actions. The wound on his arm had been healed a slight bit but he was still bleeding, creating a small pool around his arm. He was getting to a dangerous level of blood left in his body, the heart was working overtime to compensate but it as not good enough. The cold day did not help either, making the body spend its last energy fighting the cold surrounding him. There were no people close by when he collapsed, it was peaceful, he there was no sound other than the cold breeze running through the streets. Just before he drifted off he felt a snowflake land on his cheek, it seemed the clouds had gathered and started to snow calmly. If this was his time.. then at least it would be peaceful. A smile formed on his face as he blacked out, spending his last thoughts on Lucile as long as he could before he blacked out..

As he blacked out there was no one around him, he was alone. The thoughts he had under the black out consisted only of Lucile, to him, he was still awake. So when he started hearing voices around him he got confused, because he didn't see anyone. As he came to, he heard a woman, but it was still distorted, he couldn't make out who it was. "Lucile?.." He said with a faint voice, hoping he had found her, and that she hadn't done anything bad. But then he started hearing a very familiar voice. One he had missed a while now. He slightly glares his eyes open, looking at Moons direction. "Moon?" He said with a still faint voice, barely able to speak. He heard her trying to calm him down, and he knew all about it, being on the opposite end, telling the patient to remain calm. He could feel his arm, numb as it was, so that meant it was still intact. So he had no idea why they were trying to keep him still. He could tell they had someone that knew what they were doing, he was fixed up, he was getting blood, and seeing as he was still alive, it was the right kind of blood.

He was getting more awake and could think a lot clearer than before, but he was still lightheaded. He slowly sits a bit more up, and gets a better look of the room, he was somewhere he hadn't been before. But seeing as Moon and Langdon was there, he guessed it was at the alley camp. That meant he was in good hands, no reason to worry about himself. He sees their faces and knows something is up, something they haven't told him yet. But he had no clue what it was, seeing as everything seemed to be fine with him. He looks at Moon, trying to figure out what she was thinking about. "What's wrong?" with a voice, less faint, but still calm. But then it hit him, the whole reason he was here in the first place, he was after Lucile. Seeing as she was not here something was wrong. That had to be it. "Where's Lucile?" With a voice more worried, He looks at Langdon. He has a lump in his throat, there was a bad feeling luring in him, and he needed to know. When Langdon answers him he only gets more confused and angry. Sitting more properly up in the bed as he speaks in an angry tone, making it really clear that he doesn't understand what he is on about. "Small traces... what.. What the hell does that mean?" He looks at him with a frown on his face, almost as if Langdon had done something wrong, even thought he hadn't.

Then he hears Moon on his side and he gets more worried, his heart is rapidly increasing its pumping. His breathing accelerates. "Wha.." He doesn't know what to say, he just moves his head back on forth between them, expecting an answer right away, he doesn't have time to wait. He sees Langdon cross his arms, so he focuses hid attention to him as he speaks. But when he talks it breaks him. His face becomes expressionless, his heart stops, his breaths become long and deep. "Ramsey?" How.. a second after his freeze, his adrenaline shoots through the roof. He rips out the needle transferring blood and jumps off the bed, landing on his feet but crashing into a desk. He still didn't have a full recovered body, but that was not going to stop him. He moves up to Moon, grabbing her by the shoulders with a hard grip as he looks her in the eyes "How?! Ramsey is dead, How the fuck is this possible!?" His voice is full of rage and fear. He let her go as he turned around and started shuffling around the room, pushing them off if they tried to touch him. His eyes are flickering around, not staying in one spot for more than a split second as he mumbles to himself. "How did this happen.." "This is my fault.." "I have to fix this.." He turns to Langdon and limps towards him, looking him in the eyes. "Where are they? I don't care about whatever you think you have to say to stop me. Just tell me where they are." With and angry and demanding voice. He had to fix this, this was his fault entirely, if he didn't pull that stunt earlier this would not have happened. Then it also hit him, he had promised her several times that she was safe with him, that those days were over. There was no way in hell he would let her go through any of that again, or anything even remotely close to that place. He was going to get her, no matter the cost. he was so full of rage, but most of it on himself for letting this happen. He didn't notice it himself but the wound had started to bleed again, all this tension had ripped a few stitches and the bandaged was starting to turn red. Despite that he paid no attention to it, this was not about him, he had to get to Lucile as quickly as he could.

He heard how angry Moon was because of his hysteria but he didn't care what any of them thought at the moment, he wasn't planning on staying here. When she pointed at his arm he took a brief look at it but shrugged it off. "It's fine, just a stitch or two off." he said with a hasty voice. As Langdon pressed him down in the chair he tried struggling on the way down "Get off me!" with an angry voice. But as soon as he was in the chair he stopped struggling, he knew Langdon was way too strong for him. "I'm not staying here.. you and me both know that.." he said with an annoyed voice, exhaling deeply. He looks at Moon with the little patience he has left in him. "So what do you know?" trying to seem as calm as possible. There was no way they would let him out if he was acting out of control, so he had to regain control, or at least seem like it. Listening to what she said it became harder to clam down, they knew nothing at all, maybe even less than he did.. "Oh, great.. They might not hurt her.. Alright good, that makes me relieved..." He said with a sarcastic tone. Of course they would hurt her, there was no question about it. But he had no intention of letting them put a finger on her. He could feel a darkness slithering around him, reminding him of how he felt at a special point in the war. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back this time, he barely did back then, and now that it was about Lucile.. no.

The longer they stayed here the longer away the people would get. "They found me because i tripped and had a bad fall.. and no, i was looking for her.." with a half serious voice, and some anger lingering. He rushed thought the questions, with no time to waste, he had no time telling her about what happened. He understood she was only trying to piece things together but there was no reason for it, he could tell them on the way out. As she was asking questions he wasn't paying attention, he tried thinking of how they knew where she was, where and why they would take her. Dragons Peak? Somewhere in Doomsville? Why now, why at all? Wasn't Ramsey dead? Even if he wasn't she was just another subject wasn't she? As she talked he barely caught the question but he understood where she was going. "What? No, I.. probably got it from the fall.. think i tried grabbing something on my way down.. but hit something sharp.. i don't remember exactly" He said trying to get the words out quickly to move the conversation on.

He saw the same as he did last time he saw her, the cracks, she really thought Lucile would to that? "Relax Moon, she didn't do anything, she had memory triggered and got angry, just as she was talking about how hungry she was. She left the house in a hurry, i was worried so i followed her. My guess is that she was on her way here for a package. That's all.." He said with a more calm tone, trying to make Moon feel better at least. "Now, lets talk about something actually relevant.. How would they know where she was? And why would they toy with you? How would they know Lucile was your sister? You only knew recently, me and Lucile haven't told anyone, so that leaves you guys." As he spoke, it sounded more like an interrogation, like he was blaming them for this happening to her. Even though in his mind he knew he was at fault here. But he was going to make it right. Whatever he had to do to get out of this room, there was someone around that would know how to find them.

She didn't believe his story which he predicted, it's just that he didn't care. "I had an itch, why does it fucking matter.." He couldn't control his anger, it was shining on everyone, yet it was meant for himself. He was so ready to storm out and get to work, talk to whoever, pay whatever, hurt.. whoever. He heard her explain why they would go for her, but that wasn't his point at all, he didn't care why they would go for her. "Yeah i read that, what i was saying is that only a veeeery small handful knew about this yeah? Which means someone told them.." he said with little patience in his voice, he knew he acted like a douchebag towards her, but he couldn't afford to care about friendliness at the moment, there was only one thing in his mind, everything else was irrelevant.

Sitting here was getting to him, he was only getting more worried the longer they waited. When she told him how weak he was, a mere human.. "You don't think i know that? Do you think I'm stupid?.. I know they outnumber me in both strength and just sheer numbers.. Don't you get it... I have to do this, doesn't matter if i die.. I made this happen, Me.. no one else.. And i promised her she would never go back there, and i meant it... What a fucking joke right?.. I will find a way, if i can talk to them, pay them, or something else.. Sitting here waiting for other people to do it for me does fuck all, i can't do that.." He had anger still in his voice, but more and more guilt rose inside him, as it became more and more apparent what he had done..

After sitting there for an age, his patience was getting thin, he was constantly looking for an opportunity to get out of the room, waiting for Langdon to not pay attention so he could make a run for it, maybe get him to the ground somehow. But before he found the moment, the moment came to him. She let him go. He stood up slowly, stretching the fingers on his wounded arm, then started to limp towards the door, without saying a word until he grabbed on to the handle opening the door. He looks at Moon with a serious face. "I will get her back.." with a serious look, then his look went to the floor as his voice got more somber. "Even if i have to kill them for it..." Then looks out the door as he is about to head out.