Lets see where this leads - Nicholas

Place: Nicholas’ residence
Enviroment: We already know this.
Time: Present, Winter, time being around morning on its way to midday.
Weather: Sunny with small clouds on the sky, slight wind coming from west.
Outfit: Explained in the topic
NB: Is is NOT Lou. This is Lucia's relative Jonathan
Topic dedicated to: @Nicholas <3

Another regular day, he had just finished up with a patient a moment ago and was now washing the blood from his hands, there was a couple of drops on his vest but that was of no concern to him. Every piece of clothing had been stained at one point in time. Another stabbing injury, either a brawl or a robbery, he had seen to many of them to care at this point. He wasn't expecting anymore patients today, so the plans where to continue the research on Lucile's kin, the demons. If he hit a full stop he could just jump back to vampires for a while, but with no real goal that was hard to do. He might have finished his medical education, and had way to many patients, but the craft was endless. The more he knew the better he was off, knowing every race inside and out would make things easier in the future, especially since there weren't lacking any races in this district, well, most of them anyway.

As he dries his hand he hears a knock on his door. There was no one he expected, either an emergency or someone that was not a patient. He unfolds his sleeves as he approaches the door, when he opens it he sees him. Fancy dressed, clearly not from this district, doubtful it was someone looking for healing. As he asks to come in Nicholas checks him over with his eyes, trying to determine why he's here, after a brief moment steps aside. "By all means.." After the man goes inside he slowly closes the door and turns around to look at him. The last time someone looking like him had an offer for him it meant becoming a personal doctor, which he had no intention of becoming. "I'm not for sale, sorry." He knew he was being rude but he was sick of rich snobs thinking they could buy anything they wanted, thinking they were entitled anything. But the guy continued to talk. Rumors? If there was anything being said about him it couldn't have been good, but he always thought he went under the radar, then again, being a doctor in this district did bring a lot of attention his way. Not really caring what had been said about him he said "All probably true" looking him in the eyes as he said the next thing. He just smiles sarcastically to what he has to say. looking slightly to the side. "I don't know where you're from.. but here, everyone's a nobody.. it doesn't matter what you do here, being judged by outsiders has no effect on the people here.." He looks back into his eyes. "And you might know me or my reputation.. but i don't know you, Mr?" As he introduces himself and stretches out his hand, Nicholas stands still, looking down at his hand for a while, making him wait. Then reaches out and shakes his hand.
"Alright Mr. Crane... I still don't know you.." After looking at him for a short while figuring him out, he walks past him heading for the other room. "Want something to drink Mr Crane? We have water oooorr... water" He said with an amused voice. He knew he was proving his point, he was judging him before he knew him, he thought about giving the guy a break, after all he could be a good man. It was just hard because he had seen to many people having no regard for life of any kind, putting their selfish desires first. And among the guilty were the rich and important people high up on that list.

He walks in the room looking for the jug with water as he barely heard what he said. "So you're a demon then.. interesting" Saying the last part to himself. Mr Crane seemed like a nice guy so far so he decided to tone it down. He walks back in the room with a cup of water, standing in front of him sipping from the cup as he listened to why he was here. That he was not here for healing was obvious, but as he mentioned the little girl, he stopped drinking, looking at him with a concerned look as he lowered the cup. "Go on" anxiously waiting for the information about her. Now that this was about a child he had his full attention. So the child is ill, as scenarios ran through his head he also thought about what he would need to bring with him to wherever they were going. He had already decided to go with him, before he even asked, if there was a child involved then there was no question about it. "Alright Mr. Crane, we're leaving straight away, but any information you could give about her on the way would be good" He says while placing the cup on the table, grabbing his bag from under the table and walks down to his lab. He walks over to a cabinet and takes several vials with him, including an empty syringe and one filled with morphine. Taking all the precautions he could to avoid having to return several times. He also removed most of the tools he had in the bag as these were mostly for quick surgeries. When he was done packing the things he could need, he went back up to Mr Crane, dropping the bag by him. "So where are we heading Mr. Crane?" As he walks around the room collecting things and putting it away, so he knows where everything is if he needs it for later. On the way out he grabs his coat and flings the bag over his shoulder, opening the door for Crane, gesturing for him to go first.

As they head outside he locks the door behind him and drops the keys in a pocket inside his jacket. He turns to Crane and says "Lead the way" With an impatient voice, wanting to get to the girl as quickly as possible. Not knowing what was wrong with her there was no telling if it was fatal or how long she had. He was hoping to get some information on the road though. "So when did she first become ill, tell me everything you know, doesn't matter how insignificant you think it might be." He looks at him with a serious face as the made their way to the destination. Helping children always came as a priority for him, not only because they were natural weaker and needed the extra help, but also because of his love for them, A dying child was the worst he could experience, and he had, many times, but it never made it any easier.

The walk was long, but it didn't matter, Mr. Crane had a lot to tell him, and all of it had an important role in the situation. Anything could hint at an illness, and the more he knew before he got there the more time could be saved. So it started with her senses being weakened, that narrowed it down but if she was bedridden it also got more worrisome. He could feel the hate he had for the doctor that left the child for dead without even trying anything. He understood it well, he had met several "peers" that was like that, they had the title of doctor but did not follow their oath, the thing that people sought them out for. Disgusting, people that had no right being within the medical field. But if a doctor had left her without even checking on her it had to be because she had clear signs of a fatal illness. The more information he got the more worried he was, speeding up the pace they walked. Then he heard his caution, no skin to skin contact. That would eliminate his healing ability, not that he could heal a disease or an illness, but he could speed up the body's natural functions, meaning he could speed up a recovery. Hopefully he wouldn't need it.

As they approached the destination it had become evening, the building they were going in was huge compared to was he was used to, but then again so was the entire district, he had only been in it a couple of times, and still he didn't know his way around. As they walked inside he just followed Mr. Crane, letting him lead the way to wherever the child was. When he followed him through the halls he couldn't help but look around "Fancy place this" Saying it out loud, his thoughts was all occupied with trying to figure out what could be wrong with the girl, so other thoughts just kind of came out of his mouth. As they entered the room he noticed the size of it but making little note of it as he saw a child like figure in the bed and a man that seemed like he was praying next to it. They approached the bed and he takes out a morphine syringe and pockets it before he dropped his bag by the foot of the bed, taking his coat off and laying it on the bag. It would be better if he had it close by in case something happened.

Just as he heard Mr. Crane say her name it put him off a bit, "Lucia.." it was so alike Lucile. And as he got up and slowly made his way to her side of the bed he just stopped and stared at her. Not only was the name alike, her figure, her beautiful hair... It was like him and Lucile had a child, she had such an uncanny resemblance to her and it was not a good thing, it was like he was treating a young Lucile.. His heart felt as if it stated bleeding, he had trouble breathing. Lucia needed him, he had to get this under control, this was not Lucile, Lucile was fine, focus on the task at hand, were things he told himself while getting control of his breathing. As he analyzed her he saw how malnourished she was and by the looks of the bed around her she had been laying there for quite a while. It surprised him that none of the other doctors that were here had told them to keep her healthy, feed her, move her around to avoid sores, clean her. It seemed like they had done none of that, which had to have an impact on her. He listened to the father tell his story, one he had heard many times before, but it didn't make it any less hard to hear, another burden of being a doctor, was this another child he would take from a family?

But before he could finish that thought Lucia started to have an epileptic seizure, he hears Mr. Crane wanting to help but there is nothing they can do but wait, they cant interrupt her, it would only endanger her more. "No, just stay with her and try to calm her down." he gets on the bed and tilts her to the side using the sheets to avoid contact with her. He makes sure the saliva can run out her mouth instead of blocking her airway. Nothing more can be done, just keep her company and let her ride it out. If he had to guess the cause, it would be the fact that she was malnourished, he didn't blame the family still, they had no idea what would happen. It was the doctors fault for not informing them of what could happen.
When the seizures finally died down and she had calmed down she didn't breathe, he leans over her mouth listening and feeling if there is anything, but there was nothing. He had to help her breathe, so he rolled her on her back tilting her head back and started compressing her chest, there was no way out of it now, he had to touch her, let whatever bad stuff happen to him, he had no other choice. He closed her nose breathing in her mouth, but as soon as he let go to do more compression he got dizzy for a second, the environment changed around him, he looked around, Mr. Crane and the father was gone.

He was home, in his lab standing next to his operating table, as he looks back to the girl she was not the one laying there anymore, it was Lucile... his hands were covered in blood, she had been brutalized, wounds everywhere, deep ones, blood pouring from all of them, he started shaking as he started to panic, his heart was dying." Please no.." Fear had taken over him, he tried blocking the wounds, healing her, nothing worked, there was no tools for him to use. Tears were running down his face as he was facing this. "No no no no no...." he says in a shattering voice. There was no way this was happening. He looked her in the eyes which was full of fear, she was so scared, even crying, she was trying to speak to him but all he heard was gurgling as the blood kept pouring out of her mouth. He moved his hands around her body, trying to somehow make her better "Please... don't do this to me again... I... I can't..." He saw her slowly bleed out in fear, in pain, trying to tell him something he couldn't hear. It was agonizing, the tears were running uncontrollably as his eyes were flickering all across her body, he was shaking badly, for him it seemed to last around half an hour but in reality it was only a few seconds.
As the vision fades his state didn't change, he looks at Lucia but all he sees it Lucile. "I.. I'm sorry.. she.. shes gone..." He says with a shaky voice, as he lifts his up his hands they are covered in blood, in his mind, not in reality. He gets up and starts running for the exit, he couldn't stay here, his head was pounding, his heart twisting. Jonathan tried to stop him, out of concern or wanting answers, either way Nicholas pushed him out of the way, no one was stopping him, he had to go home, he had to see Lucile.

He leaves behind his bag and coat, there is nothing on his mind other than the fact that he murdered Lucile, he let her die on his table without doing anything about it. It's night out, and the adding his headache he didn't remember the way back home, not completely, so he ran back the best he could, the pain was unbearable, he felt as if the heart was going to leave his body. There was almost no one outside, and the little people there were all reminded him of Lucile, a fragile girl bleeding from everywhere, judging him as he ran past them, pushing some of them out of the way as he crashed into them. After a while of running he was exhausted, he stopped by a bridge that had an underpass with a small river of some sort running under it. He needed morphine, it was the only thing that could release him of the pain he was in.
He couldn't close his eyes because then he would only relive what he did to her, he couldn't have them open either because he would see her everywhere.. Then he recalled pocketing a syringe earlier, and after checking a bunch of pockets he finds it. He rolls up a sleeve as he leans on the bridge fence. He stares at the syringe, it was his only salvation, but he had promised Lucile he would stop.. His tears had not stopped coming since it started, this decision was not helping. It had only been a couple of days since he stopped, so it had not become too troublesome yet, his arm was itching at times and he had restless nights but the worst was yet to come, if he used this here and now it would reset the entire thing. Could he really break her promise to relieve his pain? "FUCK!" screaming as he threw the syringe off the bridge. Mumbling to him self "I can't..." He starts walking away still shaking from everything.

Just as he steps off the bridge onto the road it was like someone hit him over the head, the scene became vivid again, sparing no detail. "Not again.." he pleaded as he presses his hands against his face. He needed it, there was no other way. He runs down a staircase close to the bridge, leading to the underpass, it was dark, the streetlights were barely showing the ground he was standing on, so he got on his knees and looked around until he found the syringe again, still intact. He move back against the wall, readying the syringe on his arm, trying to steady his hand as best he could. "Please.. forgive me Lucile..." almost sobbing the words out. As the needle pierces his vein, he feels shame and more guilt fill his body. He throws the syringe away as his nerves calms for a second, listening to the river flowing by him helped, but it all changed. The morphine had numbed his body and mind, but the emotions were too strong, the scene was still implanted in his head, the only thing the morphine achieved was to intensify the pain. The shakes started again, he started to get paranoid, and when he looked at his palms they were filled with Lucile's blood. He started rubbing them on his pants but it had no use, so he moved them to the rocky ground, scrubbing them back and forth so much that he ripped his skin, opening several wounds on his palms, making the blood he saw very real. But in his eyes there was no change, nothing could remove the sins he had done to Lucile.

As the morphine took more effect it had only made it worse. He needed more morphine, enough to knock him out completely, which meant he had to get back home. Barely being able to stand he wobbled his way up the stairs, clinging to the wall as he moved. After reaching the top he moved down the streets, leaning on what he could, leaping from wall to wall, balancing small open stretches. The throbbing headache was not getting any better and his heart had given up on him, it felt completely numb. The vision had become a memory and he couldn't tell if it was real or not. If he really had killed her.. then there was no reason for him to be here.. he could just take a larger dose of morphine and end it.. After all, he did deserve it. He was not far from his home but before reaching it the pain had become to much and he blacked out, laying in a random alleyway face down on the concrete, his sleeve rolled up, both hands bleeding and a bleeding head injury from the fall. It was for the best, if he had reached his home there would probably have been an overdose...

Blacking out was the body's way of shutting down after to much stress had been put on it, a way of calming him down, making him enter the dreamworld were he had no way of controlling what he thought about. Yet it did not help him at all, the only thing it did was locking him inside his mind, having him relive his nightmare over and over down to the last detail. Standing by his operating table, Lucile bleeding out again, fearing for her life as the blood escaped from everywhere. His ability didn't work, there were no tools in the lab, the door was closed. All he could do each time was just to watch her die, time after time he broke down. All the people he let die, now adding Lucia and Lucile to the list, an innocent child and the love of his life, the person with the most beautiful heart.. Added to the long list of dead patients.

After being out for a short time he woke up abruptly "NO!" he exclaimed as he jumped up on his feet, not noticing his hands nor thinking how he got home. He didn't notice Mr. Crane as he didn't turn around. The morphine from earlier still had an effect on him so he was shuffling across the room just ripping open shelves and cabinets looking for morphine or any sedative that would work. But he found none, so he had to go to the lab. If Mr. Crane was trying to talk to him he didn't hear it, in his mind he was alone in his home. Making his way to the other room he crashed in the door frame, clinging to the walls trying to not fall down, but as he went down the stairs he trips on the last set of stairs, looking up at the operation table. There was blood running down the side of it, as he crawled towards it he noticed a lot of feet in the room, he raised his head and saw them, he recognized every single one of them, who they were, how they died. They were all around him, judging him for what he had let happen to them. He was shaking again, he grabs the edge of the table and lifts himself up to it, seeing Lucile there, the tears started rolling down his face again.

But there was a difference now, there was no blood coming from her mouth this time, he could hear what she was trying to say all this time. "Why did you do this to me Nicholas?.. " With such sadness in her voice, scared for her life as she could barely say the words from the pain she was in. He lost the ability to stand, everything was breaking down for him."I'm so sorry Lucile... I'm so sorry i let all of this happen to you..." Sobbing as he said it, leaning on the table with his elbows, holding his head up as he was taking this in. The people around him started talking to him "You know what you have to do" then made an opening in the crowd showing the cabinet with his morphine. He looks at it for a brief moment before looking down at Lucile again, she smiles at him as she says "You know its the right thing to do, my love..." He looks at the cabinet, leaning on the table as he moved towards it, crawling when there was nothing to lean on. He dragged himself up to it, opening it up and taking two syringes out containing large doses of morphine, then sliding his back down the wall, staring at a syringe. It would soon be over, he knew it would kill him but he didn't care, for wherever he ended up at least he could see Lucile again, that's the only thing he cared about. The world would be a better place now that he couldn't kill anyone else..

The thought of ending his pain, seeing Lucile again, escaping reality, it was his only choice, he even wanted it. He saw their figures in the room but they blended in with the crowd of people looking at him so he didn't see who they where. But when Lucile approached him he got scared, she was still covered in blood "No no no no... please don't... i'm doing as you asked.." he says with a scared voice as he tries to move away from her. When she get to him, rips away his syringes and yells at him, he was still shaking, confused "Wha... what are you..doing.." flickering his eyes all over her face, his shame rose more than it had before. What was this feeling? She was different from before. "No.. it... I killed you... how.." He started to feel good, like he always did around her, and the blood started to vanish away from her the more he looked at her.

He looks at the operation table but she was gone, the people around them started disappearing. "Is it.. really you?.." with a shaky voice. He jumps on her, locks his arms around her back and pressed his face against her stomach, closing his eys. "I'm so sorry Lucile.... I messed up.. I messed up bad.." He was sobbing in her shirt. His grip on her held on tight, almost to the extent of his strength. He couldn't let go of her, after loosing her so many times he couldn't stand to let her go. His body was numb as he was just laying on her. Her presence was calming him down.

His head felt so discombobulated after everything, but the headache had started to settle down now that she was her. Everything was calming down, he understood how everything made no sense to her, or anyone else than him. Because he was the only one seeing it, he knew that now. She demanded an answer from him, and rightfully so, but what could he tell her, how would he explain everything, and how could he face her now that he had broken a promise to her. But he owed her an explanation to it all. Before he could say anything he heard how he was hurting her and he snapped out of it. loosening his grip around her. "I'm sorry, it's just... i thought i lost you.." He heard how worried she was and understood it well, their roles had been reversed in a similar situation before. As she tried to move him he complied and let go of her, turning on is back, with his head in her lap. When he heard her whimper it was like a needle in his heart, he hated seeing her in pain, so he grabbed her hand, kissed it and held it on his chest with both of his hands gently on it. "I'm sorry" with a calm voice. His heart was calming down as he laid there.

"It started when i went to see a child about her illness.." hesitating slightly to continue as her now remembered what he let happen, she died because of his selfishness.. a tear rolled down his temple as he looked up at the ceiling. "He warned me not to touch her but there was no other way... she gave me some sort of vision" Swallowing as to get ready for what was next was not easy to think about. "In the vision.." He cleared his throat."You were there... bleeding out on the table.. and all i could do was watch... i killed you.." His started to crack as he spoke. "The more i thought about.. the more i believed it was true.." His heart was beating irregular again. "I was going to come see you... there was nothing left for me here.." He said with a peaceful voice, almost as if he still believed it was true. Lucile made everything better when she was with him, but this memory, it was not going away any time soon, and every time he thought about it, it messed with his heart, even if he knew it wasn't true. Just seeing Lucile in a state like that was something he couldn't handle. He looks her in the eyes as he feels the guilt rise. "I'm sorry i caused you pain Lucile.. I know i let you down.. there is no excuse for it, i should have been stronger..."

It was true he would never hurt her, not in a million years, it was more the fact that he couldn't do anything to save her. But he tried avoiding the subject as it was painful to think about. As he heard her anger for Mr. Crane not helping him sooner he felt bad. "It's not his fault.. he didn't know what i was doing.. he couldn't have predicted it.. i was fully aware of the risks.." He felt so bad putting her through all of this, he was going to make it up to her somehow. As she asked about his hand he could only remember what he saw himself. "I.. I tried removing your blood.. from my hands.." As she told him not to apologize it just made him feel worse about it. But before he could read more into it she said he had to face the consequences which made him wary. What consequences, other than the obvious withdrawal effect restart. What did she mean by that? When she kissed him he got less worried, feeling her touch was more of a healing ability than his. Still unaware of what she was thinking, but still had full trust in her. He knew she wouldn't do anything to him, it was probably just her saying that it was a stupid mistake, which it was.

He was pushed up in a sitting position which didn't strike him as weird, only made him curious to what she was doing. What she asked made him cautious again, why did that matter? He was a bit scared of what she would do with the information but he had no intention of lying to her either. " Uh, a bit larger than normal dosage i use for most patients... why?" he said with a suspicious tone, looking at her with a slight tilted head. And the answer came right away, not giving him time to even guess what she wanted. His face turned expressionless for a second before he got almost angry, not at her but at the situation. "No... Why would i do that? A dosage that big for someone not used to it would be dangerous.." with a worried and shocked voice. She did answer him but he didn't like it. But it explained what she meant earlier by facing consequences. She was smart, he didn't care what happened to him, but to her, there was no way he would cause he pain, and she knew that. "No way.. i wont do that to you, i understand what you mean now.. just please don't.. i promise i wont touch it again" He said with a pleading voice. He moves both his arms on her shoulders and gently carcasses them as he talks to her with a tilted head, looking her in the eyes." I'm begging you.. i get your point.. no morphine" He was not happy about this, but he didn't blame her obviously, it was his own doings that brought them here. There was no way he would use now that this could happen. It wasn't dangerous for her to take it, it was just a pain depressant but it was the principle behind it. He didn't want her to be involved with that shit. He moves a hand up to her cheek and strokes it with his thumb. "Please... don't do this.." Looking sad with a half a smile at her.

He could see his pleading didn't work, she was really going through with it. He tried accepting it seeing as he had no choice, one of them were injecting her and the obvious best choice would be him. She was far stronger than him so if he tried breaking them or holding her back she would just overpower him anyway. It was like feeding an addict that he made, except she wasn't an addict, and hopefully stayed that way. As she slides down next to him he sees the syringe, he doesn't like this but it was better for him to do it, making it safe at least. She grabs his hand and reassures she will be safe, but he already knew that, he wasn't worried about that, it was the fact that he was making her do this. He grabs the syringe, but leans in to kiss her before he does it, smiling at her. "If you are fall asleep don't panic, just relax, I'm here." He strokes her arm along the veins before he begins, he feels the shame as he sticks the needle in her vein, slowly pushing in the morphine. He puts the syringe away and holds her in his arms trying to make her feel comfortable and not alone. He has one arm around her stomach and one placed on her thigh, slowly stroking it as she drifted off, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "I'll be here all along the journey, i wont leave." he said in a peaceful manner.

As she was sleeping he rested his head on hers, cuddling her in his arms while she was under the opiate. After a while of staying like this, she suddenly got up without saying anything, looking around. He stood up with her "Lucile? are you alright? how do you feel?" with a worrisome voice. He sees her looking around confused, it could have been the effects of the morphine reacting with her wake up. She looked scared so he got closer and put a hand on her shoulder, trying not to be too forward in case she was paranoid. "You are safe Lucile, everything is fine" He smiles to her saying it. As she seemed to calm down he also calmed down, it looked like the journey was over, she was fine. But then he saw her grin, a grin he recognized immediately, it was Lucy. "Lucy?" he says confused, taking a step back consciously for something he might have to do. "I'm glad to see you're still with us, but you know i can't let you leave... i wont let you put Lucile through that again." This would surely fail but he had to try, do it while she was still getting used to the body, taking her by a surprise. And if not, well... he would have to improvise. There was no way he was letting her take over Lucile and make her do god knows what again. Not as long as he still drew breath. In a quick movement he grabbed a syringe from the cabinet and jumped at her, aiming for the neck. He knew it was morphine, which was probably not enough to knock her out, but there was no alternative.

As he expected she blocked it, but what he didn't expect was for her to not do anything about it, last time he tried she was going to kill him. What had changed for her. As for the overdose he was aware of it, he didn't know her tolerance so it would have been risky, but if this was the Lucy from earlier there was not much of anything he could do to stop her without the injection. But she did seem different from last time, that said, he was still cautious of her, and when she walked past him he automatically grabbed her arm saying "Where are you going?" with a serious tone in his voice. She got angry at him, she really didn't remember any of it did she. Then he started thinking about it, he recalled something from the book. When Lucile was rejecting Danielle they had to remove memories to stop it, so when Lucile was on his operating table with her seizures, she was probably removing memories from Danielle. If that was the case then reminding her wouldn't be smart, he wasn't putting Lucile through that again, which meant he would still call her by the name Lucy even though he knew her real one.
When she said Lucile was dreaming of him it made he smile as they walked up the stairs, wondering what she was dreaming about, making a few guesses in his head even though Lucy made it pretty obvious. He followed her to the sofa where she sat down, cautious about what to talk to her about seeing as he didn't know what she had forgotten, so he was mostly silent letting her lead the conversation. "Yeah sorry.. that's my fault, all i can say is that it won't repeat itself.." She acted really friendly, more so than he expected, even with her lost memories. He joined her on the sofa, expecting more questions. What he got however was a surprise, her on his lap with her legs around him, it was clear what she was after, unless she trying to trick him into saying something. But his body didn't have any suspicions of her, after all it was Lucile's body against his. When she leaned in close to him it made it all the harder to avoid how he felt. He just sat there, staring at her lips struggling not to go in on them. Without even knowing it he had placed his hands on her thighs, stroking them with his thumbs. His body already knew what to do seeing as this wasn't the first time, but he didn't intentionally control it, he was to busy holding his thoughts in place. This was Lucy, not Lucile, don't forget that.

His heart was raising but conflicted. It was Lucile's body but it still wasn't her. He still felt a sadness for Lucy knowing she thought she was only a part of Lucile, but he couldn't tell her. "Yeah.. it's quite something" he said with a smile. He had been missing Lucile's embrace ever since she went away, he missed it, and when she was around ached for it, but this wasn't the same, he body was here, but her mind wasn't. She leaned in and kissed him, which made it all the more harder to resist. His breath became heavier as it did feel good, just not right. But he still had to resist, as she leaned in on him he put his hand on her chest, stopping her. "I'm sorry Lucy... but i can't.." sounding sad but still conflicted. He felt guilty for denying her, it wasn't her fault, she thought she was part of Lucile, he could understand how that had to be. If she actually was the same, only a different personality then there wouldn't have been a problem, but he knew she was a whole other person, which made it wrong. He was loyal to Lucile and no one else.

She seemed disappointment at his decisions, but it was final, even as she leaned in one more time he made no move towards her, even if his body was ready. When she leaned off him and into the sofa he could breathe normally again. As for her remark he laughed "Yeah no kidding.." He appreciated that she respected his decision, he kept being surprised at her, she seemed more relaxed and calm than before. Obviously some of that was because of the morphine, but still, there was more to it. But then she got serious, telling him what he already knew. "I already have.." Thinking back on times she was hurt or upset because of him. There was some silence after that, both probably thinking. But then she continued, making him realize what she meant. It was something he knew in the back of his head, but hadn't confronted yet. She was right, he would age and die, his whole life, not even a fraction of hers. She didn't deserve that, he couldn't ask her to go through with that. But he knew if the roles were reversed he would never let her go, he would be with her to the end, and probably end it with her..

But it didn't end there, she leaned up all serious and mentioned kids, which hit him hard. They haven't been together long but he was lying if he said he hadn't thought about it. He definitely wanted kids with her when the time was right, but Lucy was right. He didn't know if the children had a chance of become demons. And if they didn't she would see them die as well, along with him. It was heartbreaking. As she laid back and said she would miss him, he felt his heart twisting, his eyes became watery at the thought of what she was going to go through. She drifted off but he looked straight ahead in the same position thinking. Maybe he should end it with her, now, while it was still fresh. He would live a miserable life with no happiness but at least he would spare her the inevitable pain that was coming. This was shit to think about, but he would have to address it at some point either way. He looked down at Lucy while holding a hand on her thigh "Sleep tight Lucy" Smiling sadly at her before getting up.

He couldn't do it, if the roles were reversed he would never let her do that, so why would she. But it still wasn't fair, there had to be a way. Pacing around the room thinking he thought back trying to remember if he had researched anything that could even remotely help. There was no way was making her mortal, so it would have to make him immortal. The only ways of doing that was becoming non human. There was no way of becoming a demon, not that he knew of at least. A werewolf would make him into a beast, and either way it would only add more years, which was not good enough. Next up was vampire.. he would become immortal, but at the expense of feeding on other creatures.. And if he became one, he wouldn't be able to see beautiful sights as the meadow she showed him not long ago.. Not with the sun up anyway. But then again, it would also mean an immortal life with Lucile, that was worth any cost.. He moved to the bookshelf taking out one that had the most information on vampires, sitting down at the table reading up on how it was possible to become one. He had spent a fair amount of time studying vampires, but not really much into becoming one. After a while he heard one of them wake up, so he slams the book closed and puts it back into the shelf. Looking at her "Good morning sunshine" Could he tell Lucile about this yet? She would probably not like it. One thing he did know about it was that becoming one could be fatal, and if she knew that.. He was conflicted on what to do. If they asked what he was reading he would say "Just going through some medical stuff in case i need it in the future" with a slightly weird voice, smiling at them.

After greeting her as she woke he was glad to hear that it was Lucile that had woken up this time. But he had to tell her about Lucy if she didn't already know, it was more her business than his seeing as Lucy was in her body. he just hoped it wouldn't come as too much of a shock. "Well.. after i injected you, you slept for a few minutes, then Lucy woke up. We talked for a short while then she fell asleep for about half an hour.. And now you woke up" He said with a cheerful tone because it was Lucile waking up instead of Lucy. He knew this would probably be confusing and maybe a little bit hard to take in, depending on what she knew about Lucy at the moment. As she got up he did as well, walking towards her "Easy, don't move too fast" And before he could finish she dived for the floor, stopping it with her wounded hand from earlier leaving a cracking sound behind. He ran over to her wanting to check the wrist but she wouldn't let him "Yeah yeah tough girl, i know you're fine" he says with a smile on his face, another sweet side of her, not wanting him to worry about her, clumsy or not, he found her actions sweet. Her going to sleep was a good idea, less likely to have a hangover when the effects wore off. He helped her up and supported her as they headed for the bedroom. "Yeah i know, but i wasn't going to leave you here alone while you were under the influence." he says while smiling at her.

As he helped her into the bed she said something that made him really happy "Aww, I will be home as quickly as i can, and i will miss you more" He gave her a kiss on her lips before leaning of her and was about to walk out the door, but she stopped him, wanting him to stay a while longer. Which he had absolutely no problem with, he was even considering it before she stopped him. "Of course" He says with a big smile on his face. He jumps on the bed leaning over her, then rolling to the side with her on top of him. Wrapping his arms around her as she rested her head on his chest, cuddling her as she drifted off. "You really are the best thing that happened to my life, i hope you know that..." saying it softly, not knowing if she was asleep or not. He stayed a while after she fell asleep, he couldn't bring himself to get out of the bed, he could stay here with her for the rest of his life. But he had to see Mr. Crane, not because of his tools, but because he owed him that, especially because he got the child killed. He slowly slides out of the bed, being careful not to wake her. Before he goes he leans in on her, moving some hair out of her face and kisses her forehead, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand while smiling before leaning of the bed again. As he leaves the room he looks back at her. How could he be so lucky to have her, he had asked himself that many times, not getting over how lucky he was.

It was in the middle of night, not to far of morning, but he doubted they were asleep after what they went through. On the way out he was looking for his coat but remembered that it was also at Mr. Crane's house. So he went without one, locking the door behind him as he started walking. The cold would give him a clearer mind anyway, and he had a lot to think about. The child, what was he going to say, after all she died because of him, he wouldn't be surprised if he was thrown out once he got there. Another thing would be the future of his mortality, he hadn't really decided on what to do yet, and he didn't get much research done as she wasn't asleep long. He did know that he needed another vampire for it to work, so they would probably know what to do. But getting one that wouldn't just drain him could be hard. His mind was occupied with a lot to think about. When he finally arrived he stood by the door for a while, thinking of how to start. Then proceeds to knock on the door.