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 We can't continue like this - Lucile

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Nicholas

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IndlægEmne: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Tirs mar 20, 2018 3:37 pm

Timeline: Current time.
Time of day: Late night, not far off sunrise.
Place: Northern part of the dark Forest.
Surroundings: A research camp with dead bodies scattered around.
Weather: Cold and almost open sky.
Attire: But more worn and bloodstained, without the watch.
Dedicated to: @Lucile <3


As he stared at the young man's dead mortified expression, he heard someone running towards him, but paid little attention to it as he wasn't afraid of anything in his state of mind, and the fact that Wade and Tatia did not react to it. He could feel her stare without looking at her, he let out a faint sigh before he was slashes by her nails, barely reacting to it. Her being angry was one of the predicted reactions he had, even though she seemed more healthy than when he left her. It was first when she yelled at him he realized that it was Lucy and not Lucile talking, which surprised him, but explained the rage more. Despite that, he didn't break his stare at the body, but he heard everything she said, and it hurt, because it was all true, he was supposed to protect her, yet he had let her down so many times he had lost count. He let her grab him by the collar without reacting, letting her blow off the steam she needed to calm down. But when she saw what he was, shame started filling him up, so he gulps as he turns his face the opposite direction of Lucy. He didn't want her sympathy, or her understanding, he felt better when she slashed him, taking her anger out on him, because it was justified.

As Wade talked to Tatia about leaving, he heard them with his enhanced hearing, and it was a good thing that they were, Tatia needed caring for and it was not safe around here, he only wished they would take Lucy with them. When she sat down in front of him, he looked to the side, avoiding looking at her.. and the wound.. clenching his teeth as he did so. The things she said affected him, even if his heart was not beating anymore, he could still feel pain in it. She didn't understand, and why would she? she was only there for as a ride along. He opened his mouth and uttered the words faintly "Why fix her?...  Don't you see.. this is a good thing?.." Why couldn't she just agree to forget about him? She carried no love for him, that had been proven many times up to now, so why did she care so much? If he was gone, she would be in a safer situation, isn't that what Lucy was all about? Keeping Lucile safe, at all cost? Of course he cared about Lucile, that wasn't even a question, going through with this would mean he was never going to see their child.. He would never have that moment in the meadow that Lucia showed him.. Cozying up to Lucile on a warm summer day, seeing their children run around in the field.. But that dream was gone either way, being what he was, rendered the dream impossible, breaking his already dead heart. This would be better for them all, she wouldn't even have to get over him, because she didn't know him, it was the perfect time.

But then she started telling him about what had happened to her in the cage, about the man that tried to rape her. He knew she wanted to get a rise out of him, make him angry, react. The more detailed she got the more he felt the rage taking over, his breathing became longer and deeper, there was even a very faint growl at the bottom of it, the hands laying in on the ground had become clenching fists. But when she's done, he realizes that rage wouldn't solve anything, its what brought him here in the first place. So the rage turns to grief as he imagines what she went through. He closes his eyes and clenches his teeth as tears starts to run down his face. His voice is cracking, and faint as it was, didn't make it easier to understand. "That's why it's better.. that she stays away from me... Ramsay found her because of me... the baby almost died because of me.... she almost got.. raped... because of me... and just now, I.. almost killed her.." He exhales but it gives away that he is holding back more grief than he's showing. "All of this.. happened as i tried to save her.. If i were to.. disappear.. these things would stop happening.. We both know that." He sniffs and gulps as he looks up at the sky again, hoping she was unaware what was coming in not too long.
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Lucile

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Tirs mar 20, 2018 4:24 pm


As he questioned fixing Lucile she scoffed loudly. “And then what? She looks at the baby, remembers everything, and then you’ll be gone? Is that good to you?” she asked in all seriousness. They wouldn’t know what the future could bring, so at least having him to fix Lucile’s memory would give them some sort of control of it all. Why couldn’t he see that? She clenched her teeth and hands as this just made her that more angry. Would it help to beat some sense into him? She pushed the thought away.
She listened to him but it didn’t make sense to her, how was all this his fault? “Nicholas. You know. You’re pretty fucking stupid, at least right now. I hope you realize that” She then said in a serious yet angry tone. To her it was the truth. And she was going to explain him why. “You see. You think you’re just allowed to take all the blame. As if it was even yours to take to start with and somehow would justify what’s about to happen. Do not take me for a fool, I know what you are, and morning is coming.” She then said. She shook her head and got up on her feet.
Ramsay will come back. He will get her.” She started, feeling a tear run down her cheek but she was not going to cry. She clenched her fists in anger and turned away from him. “He will take the child away from her. Rip it from her arms and do god knows what. Maybe he’ll create another one of us. Another Lucile and Lucy. This time even better, because the mother is also completely fucked up, so at least the child wont be alone, right? You can take the blame for all that you want, but know this. That child deserves the protection you can offer. At all costs. But you don’t fucking care do you?” and with that said, she felt the conversation was over. She didn’t want to say any more words to him.
So she walked away. She was hurting too, because she knew that Lucile might have had no idea what was going on at the moment, but some day she would. And Lucy wasn’t ready for that day. Her heart felt heavy and she really wanted to turn around. She didn’t understand any of this, why would she really care about this? Had she come to love him too? She clenched her fists in anger before she just hit a nearby tree. The impact was however nothing, except from the loud scream from her mouth due to the pain. She had bruised her hand pretty bad, feeling blood run down her fingers. It didn’t matter. None of it did. “Maybe I should kill us too. That would be neat! Such a tragic story! The loving couple dead at the same time! Wouldn’t you love that, Nicholas? Wouldn’t that just be amazing!” she yelled loudly as she started wandering off and away from the camp. Now it was her not being in the right state of mind. “Might as well go back to Ramsay then! I’m sure he’ll be nice! Only one way to find out!

_______________________
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest


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Nicholas

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Ons mar 21, 2018 7:13 pm

When Lucy mentioned that the baby would remind her of the memories it would be a huge risk indeed. Seeing that she was pregnant she would eventually wonder who the father was, sparking memories. But then again, Lucy or someone else could just lie and say the father died a while ago and make up some story to make it believable. But he could see that none of it got to her, she was not going to see it his way, that was very clear. She just refused to accept his blame in this, of course she didn't know about what had happened, with Ramsay touching him and reading where she was located. He might have gone after he with or without Nicholas, but if he was not in her life, Ramsay would have no one to pressure for information, and she might have gotten away. But it was like Lucile said not that long ago, what mattered was the here and now, and it seemed Lucy knew what he was up to, she knew morning was coming..

One detail he had almost forgotten he was reminded of by Lucy, Ramsay would still come for her, and now that he had read everything in his mind, there was no safe place for her that he knew of at least, because Ramsay knew about everywhere Nicholas did. It got his attention, more so than before. What she said started to piss him off, he didn't know if she meant it or just wanted a reaction out of him, but it worked. Of course he fucking cared about her and the child, how could she even think anything different. She was right about Ramsay though, as long as he was here, she and their child would be in danger. As she walked away he followed her with his eyes, he saw how emotional she was when she hit the tree. Why? The thing he just could no understand was why she cared so much about this, it made no sense to him.

As soon as Lucy started getting sarcastic, or if she was even being serious, it lit the torch in him. As she yelled at him he immediately got on his feet and walked towards her in a quick pace before grabbing her shoulders with a tight grip "Dont, test me!" He exclaimed with a fire burning inside him. Was she really taking this so little seriously? Or was she really that emotional about it? "Why do you fucking care Lucy, huh? You've never cared before, all you do is protect Lucile, you dont care about the consequences, making her kill, leave everyone behind. You even tried to kill me and Lucile, and was planning on getting rid of the baby. So tell me, why the fuck do you care so damn much? And give me a real reason, stop bullshitting me!" His voice was loud and full of anger, he was so sick of her telling him what to do. What the fuck did she do? All she cared about was herself, that's the reason she was keeping Lucile alive this whole time, because she would die herself if Lucile did. He didn't mind the blame he got, he deserved it, he was a shitty person for her. But the Hypocrisy was just to much to handle. He realized he just told her about soemthing she was not supposed to remember, but he figured she would not notice it and just think he meant something else.

His look moved from her eyes to the wound he made on her neck, making him realize how hard he was squeezing her shoulders, guilt rises as he lets her go, taking a step back and sighs. "Youknow, you're right. Ramsay will continue to go after her, and you are also right about me, i am supposed to protect her, and our child. I'll make some use out of this fucking curse, you go home protect Lucile, seeing as that's all you do. And I'll go after him, after all, its going to be a more even fight now. I'm a monster anyway, killing him would just add to the list." He said with pure angry conviction, Instead of dying here and now, he could kill Ramsay and at least secure his family's safety first.
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Lucile

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Tors mar 22, 2018 1:13 pm

When he started talking about the past, her face lit up, in a mad smile. At this point it was safe to say that she was struck by insanity. Not because she remembered. But because she always had and him digging into it just fed her state of mind further. “You think you know what kind of person I truly am. But you don’t.” she brushed it off with a smirk. She wasn’t going to explain her reasoning. But it all came down to her understanding Lucile. Observing Lucile and Nicholas, how their relationship had grown, had drawn Lucy in. She actually cared for the both of them, but it wasn’t that she was ever going to let any of them know that. She clenched her teeth as his grip was hurting her shoulders, but she didn’t say anything to it.
Though she was the one being unstable right now, as soon as he mentioned killing Ramsay, she tilted her head to the side and slowly moved closer to him. “Killing him? You? As if you have the right to?” she asked in a distorted cheerful voice. She pushed him backwards with her hands as she got angry. “Were you the one who had to endure torture for months and months on end? Where you ripped from your body and placed into someone else’s?” she then yelled before shaking her head in disbelief as she pushed him yet another time.
Her eyes were filled with anger, because she couldn’t see the point of it all. Why would it justify anything that he killed Ramsay? He would take away the one thing that Lucile would never feel bad about doing. Did he even see that himself. It didn’t matter what he was doing at that point, standing, moving closer to her. She lifted her hand shortly before hitting him in the face with as much strength that she could use in the short range she had, making her hand sting further.
Then she exhaled deeply as she grabbed around the wounded hand, feeling better about hitting him. “I am not going to tell you what to do anymore. That is for yourself to figure out. Go get yourself killed. I’m sure Lucile will understand. And Lucia. And Jonathan. All of them.” She then said before turning away. Her shoulders were shaking with anger. She wanted to hit him again, but what purpose would it serve? She grabbed her head as a pain spread. “Alright. Fucking fine. Take over. See if I give a shit.” She mumbled at herself before leaning up against the tree. "Nicholas...." Lucile then said. "Please don't leave."

_______________________
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest


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Nicholas

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Ons mar 28, 2018 7:07 pm

He could see that she was actually seriously emotionally attached to this, but her answer did not satisfy him. It was as he predicted, she would never open up, and if he was being honest with himself he knew that before even asking her, it just came out because it was so annoying, her never opening up or telling anything, only throwing blame around. Of course he didn't know her, she's barely told him anything about herself, all he knew was that she was her own person, though when he tried thinking about her name it was just a blur.

Then she started to make less sense, his right to? He knew that at least Lucy wanted to be the one killing him, that was understandable, but it wouldn't change anything. "So what then, hm? You go and kill him? It's not like he knows every single part of you on top of his head, its not like he's in your head or anything, naah.. How many times have you beaten him? And why is it your right?.. No one, has any right, in taking a life.. And what do you think it will accomplish huh? The past is will remain the same, you wont feel better. If i kill him, or you kill him, or if he dies of a heart attack, the result is the same." He had a frustrated voice, he had headed butts with Lucy many times, but this time really got to him. He sighs as he continues "The fact is i am better equipped to fight him, im faster, possibly stronger, plus if I'm lucky, he doesn't know what i am, giving me a huge advantage. He will see you coming a mile away, and as long as Lucile and our child is in there, you know i wont let you go to him.." His voice had calmed down slightly, as he was tired of getting angry all the time, especially for the people he cared about, frustrating as she was at times, she was still a part of the family, to a certain degree, he still hadn't forgotten what she had done to Lucile, but he was very forgiving.

He saw the hand coming before it hit him, making him able to dodge it, but he had it coming, and she would feel better about it. He felt her fist bash into his upper lip, turning his head slightly to the side from the force. The punch had cut his lip and as he reaches up with his hand and sees that hes bleeding he puffs and grins. But as soon as feels the wound with his tongue he feels a familiar taste, her hand had left behind the blood she got from hitting the tree. He starts to hear her heart beat louder and steps a few steps away from her, looking away as a precaution. He has already made up his mind, he knew Lucy was angry, he was going to find someone to watch over her, make sure she didn't do anything stupid. He hears her angry rant, bringing his family in as a method of stopping him or something. It wasn't going to work, he had disappointed them all, Jonathan warned him not do become this, and yet here he was. Lucia may be a vampire but she is still innocent, he knew John would make sure she didn't feed on people like he had. Then there was Lucile, she did not want this, she said that, would her humanity even work on him anymore? after what he had done to her, he wasn't the same, he had removed her favorite sound in the world.. His heart was dead. Killing Ramsay would ensure his family's safety, and rid the world of something that should never have been spawned.

He started walking instead of responding to her, nothing he could say would change how she felt anyway, so there was no point. He heard he yell something but he didn't hear what, assuming it was some insults directed at him, he kept walking. But then she was back, Lucile. He gulped as he felt guilt take over again, he stopped in his tracks, not looking back at her. He wouldn't, he couldn't, He had to go, leave before it was too late, there was still things he had to do before heading directly for Ramsay. So why couldn't he move? He felt frozen, like he was not in control of his own body. He wanted to leave, but his body wouldn't let him..
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Lucile

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Lør jun 30, 2018 3:27 pm

I’m not talking about me. But don’t you think that it’s at least fair to have the tormented one decide to have his life taken… or not taken? Did you ask her if she even wants him dead?” she asked in an angry tone. She definitely wanted to kill Ramsay, no doubt about that. But it wasn’t only up to her. It was as much of Lucile’s decision as it was Lucy’s and she knew that. So even if she had the chance, as long as Lucile didn’t want it, she wouldn’t go ahead with it.
She scoffed at the next thing he said. Better equipped? “Have you even been trying out your ability to fight? Do you even know if you can fight?” she asked, more in a mockery, not that she really meant to, but her emotions were running wild at this point. It was only a good thing that he let her hit him, it took off some of her anger. But it had also angered Lucile who wanted to take over again. Lucy wouldn’t really give in just yet, but ended up doing so either way, Lucile being the strongest of the two.
Lucile carefully got up from leaning onto the tree before she looked back at him. Then she carefully walked over to him before she was in range to wrap her arms around him. She pressed her face against his upper back as she tightened her grip. “I heard what you two talked about… I… I want to remember… Please make me remember.” She almost pleaded him in a muffled tone from her face pressed against the fabric of his shirt. She just knew that this feeling of calmness she felt around him must have some sort of meaning and not just be something she is making up.
If this child really is yours.. You better not leave me with it alone.. So please stay.” She said as she turned her head up, grasping his shirt around his chest area just to feel closer to him. She really had no idea but she had missed him. She had missed him so much and she didn’t even know why. And now he was going to leave her before she even had a chance to remember? She felt the tears flooding her eyes, making her sight slightly blurry, but not enough to make an actual tear – Not yet at least.
What happened next however was her instincts taking over. She rubbed the oncoming tear away with her sleeve, before carefully turning him around. She looked at his face, trying to figure out why she couldn’t remember him, cupping his face gently with her hands. She frowned lightly as this odd urge ran through her shortly before she leaned in on him, carefully kissing his lower lip in a quick but tender kiss, just to move a bit away to see his reaction, but also to figure out within why it felt so nice – And so addictive. But she realized that it was wrong of her to do. She didn’t even ask him for permission, where did she have the right to just kiss him? She let go off his face before she tried stepping back, allowing him to get his personal space back. “I’m sorry…. I don’t know why I did that… I just.. really wanted to.. It felt.. natural..” she explained as she looked away.

_______________________
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest


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Nicholas

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Søn jul 08, 2018 5:01 pm

As he stood there he thought about what Lucy had said to him. And she was wrong, it didn't matter if Lucile had been tormented by Ramsay, it was not her decision if he was to live or not, he already said that, no one could decide that. However, normally he would follow whatever wishes she had, so if she wanted him to live, he would not kill him. But it was different now, it wasn't about what Ramsay had done to her, to them or people in general. The reason he had to kill him was for what Ramsay would do, they all knew he was after Lucile. It wasn't about revenge anymore, it was to protect his family, making sure their future would be safe.
As for the fighting, he had no clue how to put his new strength to use, but he did know some fighting, to be able to join the field hospital in the war they had to go through extensive training in case they were attacked, not that it helped when they were..

When he feels her embrace, he closes his eyes as he missed this so much. But he didn't reacted, he stood still, not wanting to give in, and when he heard her pleading it made him clench his teeth "You're better off.. not remembering.." he whispered faintly, feeling it sting his heart as he said it. This wasn't something he wanted, not at all. He felt her grasp getting tighter as she pleaded him to stay, making his eyes get wet and a tear run down his cheek. It was heartbreaking for him, the more he stuck around the more he started to doubt what he was doing, it felt wrong, and it was, he knew that it was wrong, but it was necessary, he couldn't be selfish. The thing was, his body didn't listen to him, but it did comply to Lucile, so she had no problems turning him around, facing her. It made it all that more difficult looking her in the face has she held his, trying to figure him out. To his surprise she leaned closer and kissed him on his lower lip, it was something he couldn't resist, he had missed this more than anything, it had been such a long and shitty time without her, everything that had happened. He gave in and kissed her upper lip with the brief time her lips were on his, following her slightly after the kiss.

To her remark he responded faintly "You have no idea.." Looking down as he said it. This was so damn conflicting, all he wanted was to be with Lucile and raise their children. Just pick her up and run home, never letting go of her, make her remember every single detail, move to the woods and raise the family there with no worries. But no, of course that wouldn't happen, he had to become this thing, restricting her from so much happiness, living under constant fear that he could loose control again, and that Ramsay would eventually show up. Nothing could just be easy, not even for one moment..
He steps towards her and wraps her in a tight hug, leaning his head on her shoulder. "I love you Lucile.. that's the only thing you have to remember.. you have no idea how much i want to just go home with you.. But i can't do that.. you deserve so much better than this.." His voice is shaky but still in control. His grip around her gets tighter, but not enough to hurt her. "But when its all done.. I'll come back to you, i promise." He tried sounding more optimistic than he was, in all honesty he had no clue if he would survive it, but he wouldn't show his doubt to her.
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Lucile

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IndlægEmne: Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile   Tirs sep 11, 2018 1:52 pm

"It doesnt matter to me. I want to know why I feel so at ease with you... why... everything suddenly seems like it's worth it... If you take that away from me... my life will have no meaning. I will never find out why.. and all there will be is an empty spot of what should've been..." she then said with a sad tone and looked away. But it was the truth. Before she even met him, her life had no meaning.
All she did back then was to eat, talk to Lucy and exsist. She wasnt living. She was just waiting for it all to eventually end. But now, even with a wiped memory, she knew that Nicholas had changed that. And he wanted to leave? Take away her meaning? When she kissed him, she felt how he also gave into it. She felt a craving spread in her, the usual one that involved her wanting more of him. But with no memory, she wasnt sure if she could act upon them, leaving her in a conflicted state. Thats why she moved away.
She listened to him try to explain why he couldnt just not leave her, but it didnt make sense to her. She started shaking her head in disagreement, holding onto him just to make sure that he couldnt just slip away from her:" no...nonono.... please... dont do this.." she pleaded faintly as he finished talking. Her eyes were filled up with tears but she refused to give into crying. Why did his words hurt her heart like this? She blinked the tears away, feeling one roll down her cheek as she gave off a frustrated sob.
Then she noticed how it was getting lighter. She looked at him shortly before grabbing his hand with her healthy hand in a firm grip. She'd drag him all the way if she had to, but he had to get inside a tent or a house, which it would be, didnt matter to her. She walked in a fast pace, with a tight grip on his hand. He would be wise to follow seeing that the sun could come up anytime soon. She got to a house looking construction before letting go of him, opening the door to drag him with her inside.
She closed the door behind them and exhaled quietly. Then she turned to him:" Either way... you cant leave till sundown... I wont let you.." she said standing between him and the door, even though she doubted that he'd try to get out. She noticed something shiny in the corner of her eye which grabbed her attention. "Hm?"
She walked over to discover half a mirror with the other half completely shattered. And thats when she saw her hair. The uneven long strands of hair that desperately tried to keep the lenght while most of it was short, barely reaching below her jawline. She frowned and carefully touched the few long strands that were barely there before she started sobbing. She clenched her wounded hand and hit the mirror, breaking the other half so all there was would be the frame. She was lucky enough not to get cut but she didnt care, instead she covered her face and pressed her back against the wall. "Now that I have seen what I look like.. please dont look at me.. I'm.... ugly.." she mumbled in her hands with a sad tone.

_______________________
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest


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